I may never marry.

This one is filed under men and relationships. If I am way too hard on myself, then you know I'm really hard on other people. Lets just say I'm judgmental. I mean, honestly, I've made young men cry over not using their knives and forks. Therapy has given me the insight that those people cried not because they were ashamed, but because I'm harsh.  I should be more accepting. I am not more accepting because I'm even harsher with myself.

The prescription: Lighten up!

This week and last week has been spent mostly with a new friend. He used to live in my apartment building and he is from the South. In fact, I am storing some of his (no adjective here) possessions while he finds a new place. I'm so nice huh?

Not really; because I notice I want to snap his head off in our discussions. And it really is the tiniest things that set me off.  I made him dinner. (no comment) And I said to him "Dinner. Dinner is ready." He didn't acknowledge me. Of course, I lost it. I then took a step back made eye contact and said "I said dinner is ready. This food ain't gonna dish up itself and bring itself to you."

Yeah. Can you say flashback. I loved cooking for my family but I was a kid; and sometimes didn't want to cook. What would make me furious is if I cooked; called my family to dinner; and they did not come. A tiny bit like I have described above.

I am way too hard on myself

So what's new with you?
I broke up with my therapist. Cry at night from sadness about my grandparents passing. My meds have been upped. And I'm waaay too hard on myself.

Lately, I have been seeing just how other people make mistakes, drive their romantic partners crazy, and still wind up with higher self esteem and a happier existence. And it has finally hit me like a brick: I am too hard on myself. My standard is not perfection but it may as well be. I need to do some work and try to get on with my life.

I really don't have anything more to say than that. This entry shows I'm restarting my blog. Why? Why not!